somebody pleeeease help me

WHY? WHY? I DO NoT LIKE SURVIVOR. THEN WHY DO I SEEM TO WANT To WATCH IT? (money money money money (sorry, the apprentise just started)). SO im sitting there during one of the dark times of thursday, (shutter) the survivor hour. Time to do dishes between joey and the apprentise. but for some reason, this week i seemed to sit there, almost wondering what was going to happen. The best way to describe it is this way. You know when you get a sore or something? well what do you want to do. that is right you want to touch it. so you touch it, OWW. then what, you stop? Noooo, that would make sence, you touch it again, OWWW! but you cant stop, it is like a drug. Or another one is if you find something that smells bad, you smell and you are like, gross. but the smell is somewhat familiar. so you smell it again, and still cant recognize, so you do it again and again. That is what happens with me with survivor sorta. I dont like it but i seem to watch it (hardly at all thank goodness). Also the other day i was stroking my "beard"(like a day and a half of stubble. and thought to myself, that would be cool to grow a beard again. then i tought to myself, remember when i had a beard before that was all patchy, then the ghotee that really didnt look good (but it was fun to have). Why would i want to do that again? I think i am losing my mind.
-Ian
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do
Romans 7:15